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. >> will the washington redskins be forced to change its name. at a meeting earlier this week leaders there the united indian nation asked the nfl to sanction team owner daniel snyder for continuing to use what they call a racial slur. >> for us, the r word is the "n" word. >> wrong. it's if the r word was the "n" word i wouldn't be able to say it on the air, watch this, redskin redskin redskin. see? (laughter) totally fine. now let me try that with the n word. n -- ♪ ♪ ♪ okay, so sign here, and sign here, there, i'm sorry, apologize, no, i wrote the "n" word again, apologize. there you go. there you go. all right, thank you, thank you. anyway, redskins team owner dan snyder has defended keeping the name by citing a recent ap poll that found that 79% of americans are in favor of keeping the name. 21% want the redskins to change it but i bet those are the same people who want to change the name of potato skins for offending the irish. but folks, in an open letter to fans snyder explained i was born a fan of the washington redskins. that trad
. >> will the washington redskins be forced to change its name. at a meeting earlier this week leaders there the united indian nation asked the nfl to sanction team owner daniel snyder for continuing to use what they call a racial slur. >> for us, the r word is the "n" word. >> wrong. it's if the r word was the "n" word i wouldn't be able to say it on the air, watch this, redskin redskin redskin. see? (laughter) totally fine. now let me try that with the n...
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Nov 14, 2013
11/13
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. >> folks, this week helpless chum washington post columnist and homeless colonel sanders. jim? >> "washington post" column nipd richard cohen finds himself at the centre of an internet firestorm following his comments about new york mayor phil de blasio's multiraise family. he wrote quote today's gop is not racist, then goes on to say people with conventional views must repress a gag reflex when considering the mayor elect of new york. a white man married to a black woman with two biracial children. >> stephen: i'm sorry, i just had a conventional reaction. now folks, let's be clear. cohen is specifically saying today's gop is not racist. therefore it's not racist to gag when you see an interracial couple. a racist would actually throw up on them. (laughter) >> stephen: it's like throwing rice at a wedding, sometimes it actually is rice. but of course the insane scream b bleedia, doesn't get it. they're tearing into cohen like a moko chomping down on an walrus. they have called cohen's work racist op ed columns grotesque and called him a power worshipping bigot, horribly racist
. >> folks, this week helpless chum washington post columnist and homeless colonel sanders. jim? >> "washington post" column nipd richard cohen finds himself at the centre of an internet firestorm following his comments about new york mayor phil de blasio's multiraise family. he wrote quote today's gop is not racist, then goes on to say people with conventional views must repress a gag reflex when considering the mayor elect of new york. a white man married to a black...
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move to washington. luckily, some politicians stay true to their constituents. even when they get devoured in a feeding frenzy. this is blood in the water. >> shark, shark, shark, shark. shark. >> colbert: recently learned i am a huge fan of nevada state assemblyman and extra in a coen brothers movie, jim wheeler. at a recent republican party meeting wheeler explained how he had responded to a critic who accused him of being so weak that if his constituents wanted him to, he would vote for slavery. >> if the citizens of the district 39 wanted to make slavery legal, i would vote for slavery. yeah. if that's what they want, i would have to hold my nose and bite my tongue and probably have to hold a gun to my head, but, yeah, if that's what the citizens of my constituency wants who elected me that's what they elected me for, that's what a public is. >> colbert: that's right when we voters elect someone we become his master and he must do what we say under the threat of violence. there is only one word for that, democracy. and this must make a hell of a bumper stick
move to washington. luckily, some politicians stay true to their constituents. even when they get devoured in a feeding frenzy. this is blood in the water. >> shark, shark, shark, shark. shark. >> colbert: recently learned i am a huge fan of nevada state assemblyman and extra in a coen brothers movie, jim wheeler. at a recent republican party meeting wheeler explained how he had responded to a critic who accused him of being so weak that if his constituents wanted him to, he would...
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Nov 12, 2013
11/13
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do they walk around washington like this? (cheers and applause) is that an actual photo? >> that's an actual photo. that was a day that bush put cheney on the ticket. "time" magazine took that picture but didn't lose. >> this was an actual photo? >> yeah! >> stephen: this is like bush saying "you're going to want to deal with me, okay?" this is good cop, robocop. okay, so was he a good president, bottom line? we'll start with the bottom line and work up. >> definitely top 50. (laughter) he did a lot of things that people today appreciate, including democrats. he head the pet far program on aids in africa. medicare part "d" that pays for prescription drug care. obviously iraq sucks a lot of the option out of the room. >> stephen: i'm glad you finished that sentence. (laughter) was he in charge? because the line on these two was that cheney was calling the shots and that my man bush was just a puppet. >> i think that's the surprising thing you learn from this book is in fact the relationship is much more complicated than that. cheney was very influential in the beginning bu
do they walk around washington like this? (cheers and applause) is that an actual photo? >> that's an actual photo. that was a day that bush put cheney on the ticket. "time" magazine took that picture but didn't lose. >> this was an actual photo? >> yeah! >> stephen: this is like bush saying "you're going to want to deal with me, okay?" this is good cop, robocop. okay, so was he a good president, bottom line? we'll start with the bottom line and work...
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Nov 26, 2013
11/13
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george washington is now in the gulf in the area. it brings with it 80 aircraft, 5,000 sailors all ready to deliver food, water and medicine. >> the u.s. also providing $20 million in immediate aid. >> folks, america takes alot of slack just because we spy on our ali, invade countries on hunches and threaten to tank the global economy as a fund-raising tool. but face it, when the [bleep] goes down the world needs heroes, nobody says thank gods the belgians are here. oh, i hope they brought us so
george washington is now in the gulf in the area. it brings with it 80 aircraft, 5,000 sailors all ready to deliver food, water and medicine. >> the u.s. also providing $20 million in immediate aid. >> folks, america takes alot of slack just because we spy on our ali, invade countries on hunches and threaten to tank the global economy as a fund-raising tool. but face it, when the [bleep] goes down the world needs heroes, nobody says thank gods the belgians are here. oh, i hope they...
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Nov 26, 2013
11/13
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george washington is now in the gulf in the area. it brings with it 80 aircraft, 5,000 sailors all ready to deliver food, water and medicine. >> the u.s. also providing $20 million in immediate aid. >> folks, america takes alot of slack just because we spy on our ali, invade countries on hunches and threaten to tank the global economy as a fund-raising tool. but face it, when the [bleep] goes down the world needs heroes, nobody says thank gods the belgians are here. oh, i hope they brought us some waffles. (laughter) nation, this makes me proud to be an american. to know that my tax dollars are going to help people if i pay taxes. i have an excellent accountant. he said if a shell ter, i think the feel pooens. >> america has put our money where our mouth s the boots on the ground and hads in the air like we just do care. can't say the them thing about so-called superpower china. >> china getting a bit
george washington is now in the gulf in the area. it brings with it 80 aircraft, 5,000 sailors all ready to deliver food, water and medicine. >> the u.s. also providing $20 million in immediate aid. >> folks, america takes alot of slack just because we spy on our ali, invade countries on hunches and threaten to tank the global economy as a fund-raising tool. but face it, when the [bleep] goes down the world needs heroes, nobody says thank gods the belgians are here. oh, i hope they...
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remember that complicated story about jp morgan take over washington mutual and bear sterns? watch it become a lot less complicated. >> somebody needed to do something to prevent a systemic breathdown -- breakdown and jp morgan took over those banks just like wells fargo -- >> can you just say is that a good thing or a bad thing? [laughter] >> jon: and make it snappy, nerd! [laughter] we don't have all day. well, actually we do literally have all day 24 hours 7 days a week. but still good or bad! and wear a tie! [laughter] now watch wolf blitzer. take an analyst making a nuanced argument about the balance in this country between liberty and security. watch blitzer take this cat to j school. >> after 9/11 i think the american people gave the executive branch extraordinary leeway to sort of keep. >> is that good or sphwhad. >> think ultimately it's a good thing. >> jon: it's just not -- good or sphwhad can't believe this dude let himself get blitzed so quickly. let's michel bachman show you how it's done in the timely affordable care act. >> let's go through the points tell me
remember that complicated story about jp morgan take over washington mutual and bear sterns? watch it become a lot less complicated. >> somebody needed to do something to prevent a systemic breathdown -- breakdown and jp morgan took over those banks just like wells fargo -- >> can you just say is that a good thing or a bad thing? [laughter] >> jon: and make it snappy, nerd! [laughter] we don't have all day. well, actually we do literally have all day 24 hours 7 days a week....
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a lot of people are saying why should somebody in washington tell me i needs to have these ten items in every plan, tennis seven benefits. it's like passing the law the only car you can buy is a fully loaded cadillac. what if you can only afford a honda. >> jon: so your point is why should the government said ten standards for healthcare when they don't said ten standards for cars. what? this is the federal standards for automobiles. [laughter] the reason is because the federal government sets at least 50 standard items that must be in either a cadillac or a honda if they would like to be referred to as a car. [laughter] so my guess is you're going to be able to find some people who did not benefit from this law and some people who are actually burdened by this law. don't pretend that the old system was d cocoon. we won't ever get old and we won't ever die. seriously man [bleep] before sucked. i give you the shrank law o shre medicare. >> i had a bill for $180,000. >> blue shield rejected me. >> backlog and improperly denied claims encouraging its employees to drop policy holders and
a lot of people are saying why should somebody in washington tell me i needs to have these ten items in every plan, tennis seven benefits. it's like passing the law the only car you can buy is a fully loaded cadillac. what if you can only afford a honda. >> jon: so your point is why should the government said ten standards for healthcare when they don't said ten standards for cars. what? this is the federal standards for automobiles. [laughter] the reason is because the federal government...
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Nov 22, 2013
11/13
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let's turn away from washington. let's turn towards the homefront. next thursday is a time to gather with family, to commemorate the feast that native americans prepared for a sphrugling pilgrim settlement, the day we refer to as thanksgiving, and the native americans refer to as an enormous mistake. [laughter] but eat quickly you need your strength. >> almost all the big stores opening earlier than ever. k-mart open agent 6:00 a.m. >> wal-mart, jc penney, big lots, kohls open on thanksgiving. >> jon: every store vinegar world open. dildo depot open, just ger bills, open. (bleep) a bear workshop? open. [cheers and applause] so if you are thinking i guess i have to shop all day but once the stores close i can go home and get a solid 15 minutes of thanksgiving in think again. >> k-mart opening from 41 hours straight. >> jon: do you have any idea what this sneens if someone tramples you for a furby thursday morning they don't find your body until friday night. all right, maybe thanksgiving has become a pregame for black friday but at least they cannot t
let's turn away from washington. let's turn towards the homefront. next thursday is a time to gather with family, to commemorate the feast that native americans prepared for a sphrugling pilgrim settlement, the day we refer to as thanksgiving, and the native americans refer to as an enormous mistake. [laughter] but eat quickly you need your strength. >> almost all the big stores opening earlier than ever. k-mart open agent 6:00 a.m. >> wal-mart, jc penney, big lots, kohls open on...
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Nov 27, 2013
11/13
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it was great at the holocaust museum in washington it was a very, very special fight because there were quite a few survivors in the audience. and i met a guy, come up to me and said i was 14 during the second world war and i was hidden by a very kindly average farmer just on the outskirts of paris for three or four years. and he reminded me, your character in the film reminded me some of of him. and this guy is now in his late 80s i would imagine. and i can't imagine what he's been through. >> jon: s this's amazing. that's got to make you feel in some way like just incredibly moved to even have done it, to even have put the film out. because i imagine their response to it is almost more meaningful than anything else. >> yeah, well, at that museum, i had a big exhi business on it at the about complicity and the kind of pressures that people were under, in very remote german towns as the national socialist was, you know, really putting, really eating into the people's lives. and you know, neighbors, sometimes got terrorized, were fearful, went for self-preservation rather than a more hum
it was great at the holocaust museum in washington it was a very, very special fight because there were quite a few survivors in the audience. and i met a guy, come up to me and said i was 14 during the second world war and i was hidden by a very kindly average farmer just on the outskirts of paris for three or four years. and he reminded me, your character in the film reminded me some of of him. and this guy is now in his late 80s i would imagine. and i can't imagine what he's been through....
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we turn now to a breaking scandal out of washington, d.c. >> he's one of tea parties bigger stars but now senator rand paul stands accused of doing something our third grade teachers would nail us for. >> jon: oh, snap! did he use a magic marker to change clifford the big red dog to clifford the big red (bleep). for the record miss ferguson that crushed. sorry what did he do? >> plagiarism. >> he apparently lifted several lines of his speak directly from wikipedia. >> in the movie gatica in the too distant future eugenics is common -- vincent freeman is conceive and born the old fashioned way without the aid of genetic screening. >> jon: i'm going to pretend here that the thing we're supposed to be concerned about is that rand paul is supposed to be warning people -- he's warning the imunt a threat from an ethan hawke movie. they need rookie cops and for one day a year crime is legal and where -- um -- [laughter] days are broken. [ laughter ] and a world -- [laughter] (bleep). where the finest things come from brooklyn and i have no (bleep) idea. i don't know. i never -- how many of t
we turn now to a breaking scandal out of washington, d.c. >> he's one of tea parties bigger stars but now senator rand paul stands accused of doing something our third grade teachers would nail us for. >> jon: oh, snap! did he use a magic marker to change clifford the big red dog to clifford the big red (bleep). for the record miss ferguson that crushed. sorry what did he do? >> plagiarism. >> he apparently lifted several lines of his speak directly from wikipedia....
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Nov 27, 2013
11/13
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a couple more, a washington post columnist named richard cohen who recently defended the tea party against charges of racism by suggesting that the country is just changing faster than they can adapt. which he phrased thusly. >> people with conventional views must repress a gag reflex when considering the mayor elect of new york, a white man married to a black woman and with two biracial children. >> jon: yes. >> that guy is straight up racist. >> he's a volcano of hate. >> against white people. >> jon: wait, what? >> he's giving quite people no credit. basically he's saying hey, you got to cut the tea party some slack because they can't think straight because they are trying too hard not to vomit when they see a black guy with a white girl, right? or maybe two white girls. >> yeah, three. (laughter) >> or like you know three white girls and an asian. >> oh yeah, what is he doingment he's just chillin it, at first. >> jon: guys, listen, panel. why is the guy chillin at first. why is the asian guy, he's just checking the scene out. i understand-- he is plotting what he is going to do. >> wh
a couple more, a washington post columnist named richard cohen who recently defended the tea party against charges of racism by suggesting that the country is just changing faster than they can adapt. which he phrased thusly. >> people with conventional views must repress a gag reflex when considering the mayor elect of new york, a white man married to a black woman and with two biracial children. >> jon: yes. >> that guy is straight up racist. >> he's a volcano of hate....
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Nov 16, 2013
11/13
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george washington is now in the gulf in the area. it brings with it 80 aircraft, 5,000 sailors all ready to deliver food, water and medicine. >> the u.s. also providing $20 million in immediate aid. >> folks, america takes alot of slack just because we spy on our ali, invade countries on hunches and threaten to tank the global economy as a fund-raising tool. but face it, when the [bleep] goes down the world needs heroes, nobody says thank gods the belgians are here. oh, i hope they brought us some waffles. (laughter) nation, this makes me proud to be an american. to know that my tax dollars are going to help people if i pay taxes. i have an excellent accountant. he said if a shell ter, i think the feel pooens. >> america has put our money where our mouth s the boots on the ground and hads in the air like we just do care. can't say the them thing about so-called superpower china. >> china getting a bit of criticism. they've been in a long-term dispute, a land dispute, but guess what they're only giving $100,000. >> wow apparently the
george washington is now in the gulf in the area. it brings with it 80 aircraft, 5,000 sailors all ready to deliver food, water and medicine. >> the u.s. also providing $20 million in immediate aid. >> folks, america takes alot of slack just because we spy on our ali, invade countries on hunches and threaten to tank the global economy as a fund-raising tool. but face it, when the [bleep] goes down the world needs heroes, nobody says thank gods the belgians are here. oh, i hope they...
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Nov 22, 2013
11/13
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what's going to happen in washington now? something? we were this close to achieving a zen-like state of perfect government nothingness. not since buddha have so many fat, bald men worked so hard to do so little. ( laughter ) ( applause ) and folks i have to tell you it's not just the senate. i am sad to report america is losing the battle against gay marriage. the district of columbia and 16 states have legalized man-on mantwoimony including just last week hawaii. it's aloa traditional values, and aloha, gay marriage. ( laughter ) ( applause ) i wish i could assailant opposite. just last night, the government of illinois signed same-sex marriage legislation into law. you know who's happy about that? theee bears! worst of all, woferlt of all, our military has fallen prey to the homosexual gay agenda. three years ago they dropped don't ask, don't tell. at first i figured the gays wouldn't want to be in the military, the the cameo is so matchy-matchy. turns out gay people have some sort of sick fetish for serving their country and now the
what's going to happen in washington now? something? we were this close to achieving a zen-like state of perfect government nothingness. not since buddha have so many fat, bald men worked so hard to do so little. ( laughter ) ( applause ) and folks i have to tell you it's not just the senate. i am sad to report america is losing the battle against gay marriage. the district of columbia and 16 states have legalized man-on mantwoimony including just last week hawaii. it's aloa traditional values,...
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Nov 21, 2013
11/13
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sad, drug-related news this week, and like most sad news, it comes from washington. jim? >> republican trey radel of florida today pleaded guilty to cocaine possession. >> he purchased three and a half grams of cocaine from an undercover officer. >> the tea party favorite represents florida's 19th district. >> stephen: yes, this rising tea party star was caught in a coke bust. apparently he forgot the part of the tea party story where you dump the product in the harbor before the cops show up. folks, personally, i hate to lose a congressman so fiscally conservative that i'm sure he snorted his blow through a $1 bill. and so committed to family values, folks, that he actually voted to drug test people who receive food stamps ( booing ) no, no, no. he's not a hypocrite. because he doesn't get food stamps from the government. just his paycheck. but you know what i can't say i'm surprised. i'm been on the cocaine congress beat since robert wexler told me this. >> i enjoy cocaine because it's the fun thing to do. ( applause ) ( laughter ). >> stephen: what is it with florida c
sad, drug-related news this week, and like most sad news, it comes from washington. jim? >> republican trey radel of florida today pleaded guilty to cocaine possession. >> he purchased three and a half grams of cocaine from an undercover officer. >> the tea party favorite represents florida's 19th district. >> stephen: yes, this rising tea party star was caught in a coke bust. apparently he forgot the part of the tea party story where you dump the product in the harbor...
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it looks like washington state voters have rejected initiative 522, which would have required warning labels for foods with genetically modified ingredients. thank goodness. folks, i believe it is none of our business what we're putting in our mouths. as a great man once said, ignorance is bliss. who was that man? don't know, don't want to know. (laughter) besides, i want genetically modified foods. because you are what you eat. and i'm hoping one day a mut ant tomato can give me heat vision. but some people are a against t jim? >> basically what it is, is food made in a laboratory. until the last 20 or 30 years this is food that has never existed before in humanity so it is made in a laboratory. over 60 countries around the world require gmos to be labeled but the u.s. does not. >> what's even scarier is that now people in just every day of their life and don't even know t it's right in our food. and they could be causing you disease. >> researchers have never found health consequences in humans from genetically modified foods. only in rats. >> see, just rats. and the only reason we
it looks like washington state voters have rejected initiative 522, which would have required warning labels for foods with genetically modified ingredients. thank goodness. folks, i believe it is none of our business what we're putting in our mouths. as a great man once said, ignorance is bliss. who was that man? don't know, don't want to know. (laughter) besides, i want genetically modified foods. because you are what you eat. and i'm hoping one day a mut ant tomato can give me heat vision....